It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize