Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
