escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
