I think I am morally bankrupt
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
