Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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