i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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