brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
