so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
