thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
