Jerry, you need to find god
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
