Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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