We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
