they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
