every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
