the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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