saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
