no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Randomize
