Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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