his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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