DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
