Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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