We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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