return my video game
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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