WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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