do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
