im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
