she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's always time for handjobs
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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