So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
