the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
