A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
