so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
