i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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