i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
