I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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