I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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