I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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