It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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