she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
