she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
