Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
