and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
