remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
