I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
