left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
