dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
