So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dignity is for republicans.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
