Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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