I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
