Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
