I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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