gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's even glitter on my cock...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
