if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
