I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just took my morning after pill in the library
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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