I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
