My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
