I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
