tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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