She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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