I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
