I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
