I think my vagina is haunted
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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