I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
