I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
