She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am available for nakedness
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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