Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
