I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
