hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
