I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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