he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
