You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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