How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Congratulations! We have a period
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