in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
