If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
