I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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