Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
