if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
