OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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